Christmas of 2025

Dear JJ,

It’s been a long time since I’ve written one of these. I’m so busy now. I don’t have all of the free time that I used to have to sit down and write to get my feelings out. Life doesn’t slow down or stop happening just because of grief - that’s been one of the hardest things for me to accept. I’m busier now than I’ve ever been, keeping up with your two little sisters. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I am still always missing you. 


I know without a shadow of doubt that you played a hand in picking these two little sisters specifically for our family. The first one you sent us is the complete opposite of everything you were. The two of you could not be more different. She is loud and wild. Full of spunk and full of sass. She keeps us laughing and keeps us on our toes. There is never a dull moment with her. She made me laugh when I thought I might never be able to again. She is the comedic relief we all needed. 


Your newest little sister - on the other hand -  couldn’t be more like you. She is a spitting image of you… just add a head full of dark hair. When I look at her all I see is you. 


I decided to do something brave this year that I thought I might never do. I went through the boxes of your stuff and pulled out an outfit I had bought for you to wear for your first Christmas. You never got the chance to wear it. It still had the tags on it. It just so happens to be the same size that your littlest sister Marley is wearing now so it felt fitting that I take the tags off and let her wear it. Seeing her in that outfit gave me a feeling that I cannot put into words. 


No matter how busy life keeps me these days, you are never not on my mind. You are still always with me. I still see you in places all around me. 

We still have you as the angel on top of our tree. I got you a special stocking that hangs on the mantle along with the rest of ours, just as it should. Because you will always be a part of our family. We are back to wearing our matching family pajamas on Christmas morning and we get a pair for you now. Harper loves matching with her big brother. She insists on wearing the matching pajamas as often as she can. I wish I could see what your bond would be like if you were both here together. I know you would be the best big brother to both of your sisters. And even though you aren’t physically here with them, I know you share a bond that is just as strong. 


I hope Christmas in heaven is beautiful this year. Looking forward to the year that we can all celebrate together. 


Xoxo,

Mom




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